I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i've created a new STD.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize