bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
