the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
