bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
