Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
