I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
