Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
