I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
high people should be assigned attendants
do herpes really smell.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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