Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
