gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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