If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize