He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
