From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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