The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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