evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize