one word: firstdatebathroomanal
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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