I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
