she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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