I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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