I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
