I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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