it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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