The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
