Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize