Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
