This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize