Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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