his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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