Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
