Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Randomize
