is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
