and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
