I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
no you cant smoke seaweed
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
