i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
