She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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