All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
