ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
try to milk me bitch
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