Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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