Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
