He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
