Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
