just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
