i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize