The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's blow job season.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
