You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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