so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
