I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
