My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
