Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
