My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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