man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
