I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
