i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
