I didn't shave. On purpose
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
