I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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