have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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