I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize