The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
