I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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