Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
