why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize