Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
