Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
