I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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