so that wasnt chicken after all
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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