i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just tell him i said nine months
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
