There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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