WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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