i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
