They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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