At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
