Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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