there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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