She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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