There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
