I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize