i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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