suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
