You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
