so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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