So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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