Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize