I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
