You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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