There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
His hands were made for my vagina.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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