i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
