those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Damn victory sex feels great
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize