The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
