Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
