I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
