I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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