Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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