Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize