he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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