I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
