If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
