i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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