Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He kissed a someone with a penis
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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